Pink Sweaters for Young Lads
by HyperInuyasha
Summary: A young boy shouldn't deal with these kinds of problems. (Transgender ftm Madotsuki; gift to cozycoffin)


_**Author's Note:** This is a birthday gift for cozycoffin, who also named the story, since I suck at naming things._

_There's some transphobic stuff in it, though I've never witnessed transphobia close enough (I don't want to), so I'm sorry (I think?) if it's not accurate enough._

_Without further ado..._

* * *

**_PINK SWEATERS FOR YOUNG LADS_**

* * *

He remembers the days when 'she' wanted to be a he, when his parents didn't want to accept it. He remembered the disapproval, the screaming.

He hates the clothes he had to wear; nice clothes fit for a girl, his mother said, trying to remind him that he was female at birth and saw it only as a fad.

The only thing he liked though was the sweater. Nice and fluffy, a neat design stitched into the front; it's pink, but color preference doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes he hugs herself, the sweater wrapping around him, trying to remember the days before his parents started their war against his transgender status.

Anger would then boil up, rage and the desire to stab something overriding happy nostalgia.

After the emotional trip down memory lane, he would sleep - one of the few things he's done, as of late - snuggling up into the sheets, dreaming of weird worlds...

Though sometimes, memories come to him instead.

* * *

It was when after school ended that he came out to one of his few friends. They were in the music room, where in normal school hours, children learned the art of music, while the rest of the time, it was where the teacher gave piano lessons for a reasonable price.

They talked there, because his friend was there to give him a music lesson.

They talked for a bit. The teacher nodded throughout the conversation.

Evidently, Masada was way more accepting of him than his parents.

The dark suited man accepted all of it with a warm smile. "Thank you for telling me all this. I wouldn't want to be using the wrong pronouns for you, sir."

The pink-sweatered boy smiled, a mild blush filling his cheeks. Being called 'sir' felt good; though, he wanted to be called something personal. "You don't have to call me sir, Mr. Masada."

"Oh? Then what should I call you?"

He blurted out a name that he had considered christening himself: "Madotsuki."

* * *

He remembers his other three friends, all lost to him now:

Monoko, Monoe, and Poniko.

Monoko was a short, feisty girl, he remembers.

"Hey, don't let them bother you," Monoko said to him with a confident grin, holding his hand, "I'll protect you from anyone that does."

The girl acted like his personal bodyguard, escorting him around classes, casting glares at anybody that gave Madotsuki a funny look.

Monoko was one of the best friends he had.

Key word: was.

* * *

As if it is scientific law, there's bound to be bullies at school, and Madotsuki's was no exception.

These bullies, in particular, were a gaggle of horrible, higher grade girls. They were like sadists, Madotsuki bitterly reflected in his dreams, looking for the shyest, most insecure people and tried to break them, all for the hell of it.

And it was for that reason, they were drawn to Madotsuki - clearly a shy cookie, being led around by a fellow classmate.

"Oh look, it's that tranny again." One of the girls snickered. Madotsuki glared at them, accidentally squeezing Monoko's hand tightly, wishing to do something to the posse of cruel girls.

"And it's his girlfriend, too." Said another.

"Just ignore them." Monoko said to him, trying to hurry past the group of female delinquents.

"Look, they're trying to hurry somewhere - think that they're going to bang?"

"That so-called boy doesn't look like she has a dick, though."

That's when Madotsuki snapped.

Ordinarily, he was calm, reserved, and would rather deal with things diplomatically, as quiet as he was.

But a rage was filling him. He tried to mentally restrain herself from fightingthegirlshemustnotscratcgtheireyesoutorstabthemor-

Then it occurred to him that Monoko was no longer holding his hand.

Suddenly, one of the girls went flying to the floor with a punch to the face. "You leave him alone!"

The girls reacted in shock. Then anger, balling their hands into fists. Then, before any further conflict happened, one of the girls called it off, looking around; the halls were filled with curious bystanders - witnesses who weren't likely to side with the local bullies. They left, giving Monoko death glares (the one getting off the floor looked especially enraged).

Madotsuki was shocked (though secretly pleased). "You... you didn't have to do that..."

"Hey, those girls were making fun of you; besides, those jerks had it coming!"

"What if.. they're angry?"

"Oh screw them, it doesn't matter. "

Then a ringing noise started echoing through the halls.

"...What does matter is our next class." He said, a lighthearted smile forming on his face, deciding to take her words to heart.

...then...

* * *

Madotsuki remembers rushing to the infirmary a few days later after school ended, the dread in his heart weighing down in his steps. He heard the rumors earlier. He hoped that it wasn't true.

Upon bursting through the doors, his fears were confirmed.

Monoko was lying in a bed. Her body was bruised in various places. One of her arms looked dislocated. There was dried blood on her lips.

She slowly turned her head - the very act seemed to cause her pain - trying to give her friend a gentle smile.

Madotsuki shook. "Who.. who did this...?"

"...They... cornered me... in the restroom..."

He had a feeling that he knew who her attackers were.

'Hey d-don't... blame yourself." She stuttered out. "I chose to... to fight them."

"B-but..." he felt a tear roll down his face, his voice getting more cracky. "Y..you only f-fought them because of...

"...of me.."

"No, it was b-because of..." she stopped her explanation, wheezing.

He remembers silently weeping over Monoko, tuning out whatever she had to say. To him, there was only one, irrevocable truth: that it was all his fault.

When he was done letting it all out, he had one request: "Please... please don't protect me ever again..."

* * *

Then there was her sister, Monoe.

Monoe was a friend, though she wasn't as close to Madotsuki as Monoko. She shared less classes with Madotsuki than her younger sister, but they enjoyed a nice talk now and then.

"I hope that she gets well soon." Madotsuki squeaked, handing a set of papers (Monoko's homework) to Monoe.

He had chosen to distance himself from Monoko after that incident. He didn't want her to get hurt again through association; though, he still wanted to keep indirect contact. Madotsuki had an obligation to her, to deliver all of her homework (and sometimes doing it, not that he was willing to tell their teachers that).

"I'll tell him that." Monoe said slowly, taking the work. Ever since the incident, she seemed a bit unwilling to talk to him.

Madotsuki suspected that she blamed him for Monoko's injuries, too.

He wasn't sure if his memory was entirely accurate, but he could swear he remembers the accusing look in her eyes.

True to her behavior at the time, Monoe just nodded, and left with nothing more to say.

* * *

Madotsuki came to call the group of girls that terrorized him Toriningen. They were like vultures, following him as if he was a walking corpse, pecking at him and waiting to devour him. Without Monoko's protection, Madotsuki was open to their jeering. He felt stuff hitting the back of his head when he passed…

"Oops!" one of them once said as he passed in the hall, sticking out her foot. Carrying a book and several papers, Madotsuki fell, his possessions flying to the ground.

He tried not to let his temper loose, instead, bending down to pick up his things. The Toriningen, leaving the scene before any teachers came, talking to each other and laughing at the transgendered boy.

However, as their laughter faded down the hallway, Madotsuki realized that somebody else was laughing at him.

He looked up at a girl who hung around the hallway, dressed in monochrome clothing.

And he realized that Monoe was laughing at him.

Monoe, realizing that Madotsuki was now looking at her, starting to walk. With a smile, she kicked one of his papers away, heading on her way.

After that, Madotsuki decided to cut off all ties to Monoe, even if it meant simultaneously cutting off ties with Monoko.

Besides, she'd be better off if she didn't have to deal with me, he thought.

Despite feeling hatred toward Monoe, Madotsuki still feels that it was justified, seeing what happened to Monoko.

* * *

However, then there was Poniko.

Poniko was a noticeable girl, with blonde hair atop her head. She was born in the United States, having moved to Japan later on. She adapted to Japanese customs relatively easily, and she knows some Japanese, though mostly preferred to be silent. Despite the silence, she was friendly, a joy to be around.

However, underneath all of that…

* * *

"Hey, Poniko." Madotsuki called out to her. Aside from his teacher, she was the only friend he had left; it would be nice to keep a friend his age, though.

"Oh, Madotsuki." she turned to look at him, staring at him with her blue eyes, a polite smile on her face.

"I was, um, hoping to invite you to my house to play this new game I got…" he said nervously.

She blinked. "Oh, sorry, I have plans later."

"Ah." he nodded in understanding.

After school ended, he chose to go to the restrooms. He usually tries to go into the boy's restroom; sometimes a guy would "helpfully point him to the right restroom", but he usually ignored them and locked himself into a stall. However, for the first time in a while, he was drawn to the girl's restroom, his ears picking up a familiar voice amidst running water.

"Why can't she just be a proper girl?"

Curious, Madotsuki decided to stand outside the restrooms.

"Who knows what he wants, Poniko?" an unknown voice said.

Madotsuki realized that he was eavesdropping on Poniko and what seemed to be a friend of hers. He started to inch away, wanting to politely let them have their conversation in peace; then, Poniko said something that made him stay.

"Don't call her a "he". She didn't even have an operation yet." Poniko said.

The words pierced into Madotsuki, the realization that they were talking about him dawning. Foregoing all politeness, he stuck himself to the wall next to the restroom to hear better, wondering what she was talking about.

"Really? She calls herself a boy without a dick?"

"Yeah, it's pretty stupid."

A dullness started to grow in Madotsuki.

"Besides, why would she change herself?" Poniko continued, skepticism in her tone, "She wouldn't fit in as a boy - she'd be pretty ugly as one. I think she'd look more like a monster, to me."

Then the dullness started to turn into heated rage.

"Do you think she just wants a dick to bang girls?" her friend asked, added to the fire.

"Hm… maybe. She used to be so close to Monoko…"

Madotsuki tried to resist the urge to punch the wall.

They finish washing their hands. Poniko, with a bit of worry in her voice, added, "You know, she wanted to invite me to her house."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I rejected though. You never know about people like her. Maybe she wanted to get me alone to rape me."

Madotsuki remembers the utterly broken feeling he got from hearing that.

When they emerged from the restroom, they were face to face with Madotsuki, who tried to keep his face impassive.

For a brief second, Poniko's face contorted to that of disgust before it transitioned to a (fake) smile.

"Oh, Madotsu-"

"How dare you." he interrupted his friend - or rather, ex-friend. "How dare you say those things… y...you… _bitch_." Surprise appeared on her face, but Madotsuki continued. "And… why would you think I would do that to you? We're friends - or were friends."

"I, I'm…"

"I'm not going to molest you or anything, Poniko." the boy said calmly.

Then his fist flew, connecting to Poniko's face, throwing her against a wall.

"But I will beat you up if you say stuff like that ever again."

He turned and left. He didn't need to deal with Poniko's friend - punching Poniko was enough.

Madotsuki walked through the hall, passing by students who regarded him with confusion.

He was too angry to notice the tears streaming down his face.

* * *

At that point, he only had one friend left: Masada.

He remembers that after the incident with Poniko, he went straight to Masada. The teacher was understanding - he even bought him some snacks from a vending machine to help cheer him up.

From there, their friendship became more personal. They talked more often, Madotsuki venting out his school problems: the loneliness, the vicious bullying from the Toriningen, etc. Masada apologized on multiple occasions that he can't help that much, but regardless of that, Madotsuki was just happy to have someone to talk to. Masada started to bring snacks to every practice they had, usually sweets, believing that it'd keep his student happy.

"Madotsuki, your mother called." Masada said at one practice. Madotsuki froze; he wasn't exactly fond of his mother. His mother still refused to let him do anything boy-like. She always referred to him with female pronouns, which pissed him off, but he had to bottle it all in, nod, and try not to let it all explode.

"What did she say?" he said carefully.

"She's coming to pick you up; she wants to see you play."

"O-oh, she does…?"

Masada put his hand on his shoulder, smiling reassuringly. "You're a brilliant boy. You have nothing to worry about, just play your heart out!"

Filling with confidence, he nodded.

Within half an hour, his mother arrived. The woman stood at the door, nodding respectfully at Masada before looking over to Madotsuki, expectations in her eyes. Madotsuki, sitting at the piano, stared back and saw his mother wiggle her fingers, mocking piano playing and telling him to get through with it.

He looked at Masada, who smiled encouragingly. Letting the good feeling take over, Madotsuki turned back to the keys and began. He played around the keys, tapping out music like a writer at the keyboard, belting out a simple tune that Masada taught him to play.

He finished.

He stood up and bowed.

Both adults clap.

"Marvelous! I definitely see improvement!" his mother complimented; though, Madotsuki found greater pleasure in Masada's satisfaction.

"Yes, he really is a good learner!" chirped Masada. "In time, I think he can be an exceptional player!"

Everything seemed happy.

But then.

The record in the head of the mother scratched. "...He?"

Madotsuki felt his heart drop in his stomach.

He only ever complained about his school problems to Masada - never the home ones.

"Yes, he. Madotsuki." the teacher tilted his head in confusion, innocently unaware of what he did.

Then, Madotsuki's mother looked over to him. "Kamakurako." she said, simply and coldly.

His old name felt like a stab to the gut.

"We're going. Now."

"Ma'm what's wron-" Masada's objection is silenced by a glare.

Taking small steps, Madotsuki walked over to his mother, who grabbed his arm. Without another word, she started to drag her son away. Masada, feeling like how Madotsuki felt concerning the Monoko situation, casts a look of guilt at him.

Now, it was the student's turn to reassure the teacher. "It will be okay." Madotsuki said before he was pulled away.

It was the last time he got to see Masada.

* * *

He didn't remember what happened immediately afterward. He didn't want to remember.

Monoko was bound to recover soon. Madotsuki couldn't bring himself to face her.

Monoe pretty much despised Madotsuki for what happened. Madotsuki admitted that it was justified.

Poniko turned out to be hateful underneath. Madotsuki never wanted to see her again.

His mother canceled his piano lessons and demanded that he come home immediately after school.

Madotsuki had no one left. His own parents didn't accept him. He lost all his friends. He was still getting bullied by the Toriningen.

So one day, he decided to pack up all his worries and left.

He remembers that fateful day. He had planned the day for awhile, looking for a cheap apartment. When both parents were out, he went into action. He took his Famicom (forgetting to bring games other than the one inside), his favorite rugs, and a journal - a blank notebook originally bought for school; then he made sure to pilfer some money.

The move-in took a bit, but he managed to relocate himself.

The apartment came with a balcony, a tv, a shelf, a bed, a desk, a chair, and basic lighting. No restroom (which may have been why it was so cheap) but he was satisfied with the accommodations. He bought some boxes of food to put on the shelves and some nice throw pillows to make the room look nice.

Then, he started seeing the missing posters. The posters called for its writers' daughter to come home.

Upon seeing "daughter", he decided to ignore them. However, he needed to stay indoors for awhile - undoubtedly, people would be looking for him.

From then on, he decided to stay in his apartment. At first, he felt optimistic. He could be who he wanted to be in his own place - if he got a job eventually, he could buy some proper boy clothes, which he looked forward to. Then - then, he could one day see Masada again, maybe Monoko, too.

He looked forward to that future.

Until then, though…

He was lonely.

He only had his Famicom and its one (rather tedious) game for entertainment; on his budget, there was no way he could get cable, or games, for that matter.

He finished writing the first day's events in the journal, setting the pen down. With a sigh, he spun in his chair, looking at his inviting bed.

Until then, he might as well sleep.

* * *

**_End_**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** I hope this was enjoyable. Remember, I have a tumblr where you can ask me or the characters things at askhyperstuff. Or don't remember, that's cool, but it bums me out a little. Compliments and complaints are always appreciated, and I'll see you again the next time I write something, woosh!_


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